


Roll for Initiative

by Pkducklett



Category: Team Fortress 2
Genre: Dungeons & Dragons References, Fluff, Gen, Legit these are based on real things I've dealt with as a DM, Platonic Relationships, Players can be dumb and I was super happy to write that in TF2, Team Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-01
Updated: 2019-11-01
Packaged: 2021-01-16 00:54:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21262427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pkducklett/pseuds/Pkducklett
Summary: Miss Pauling plays Game Master to the mercenaries through a haunted house in a fun game of Gargoyles and Gravel.





	Roll for Initiative

**Author's Note:**

> Part of the Secret Satan event on tumblr. This fic was written for @iceway145 who requested a platonic day off for with the mercenaries. Happy Halloween!

_‘The fog clears as the wind rushes past you. With it every candle in the room is snuffed out with one single “Whoosh”’_

“Oh crap? Is that bad?”

“We won’t know unless you shut up, Scout.”

_‘It is pitch black. It is dead quiet. In the quiet, you can faintly hear scattering of claws from the lower floor. High pitched voices speak in hushed tones. Then! A flash a light manifests above your party! It hovers for a while before-’_

“I’m sorry, Miss P, but what just happened?”

“Well, you are witnessing a floating orb that manifested above you guys.” Miss Pauling explained. She sat at the end of the table behind a cardboard screen propped up to cover her notes. Around the table were her players, seven of the nine mercenaries who agreed to test run her campaign. She had been pleasantly surprised that Engie and Demo already knew how to play, and helped in the disastrous character building process. She still couldn’t believe Scout had suggested playing a gun wielding bard. 

“Okay, but like. Is this somethin’ that’s suppose to happen?” Scout, the half-elf bard, had been asking questions like this all night.

“It’s Gargoyles and Gravel.” Engie, the dwarf cleric, was running low on his patience. “If she says it happens, then it does boy.”

“Mmmph!” Pyro, the half-devil sorcerer, gleefully clapped their hands.

“No, mate. I don’t think setting the orb on fire is a good idea.” Sniper, the wood elf ranger, tapped his pen on his character sheet. 

“Ms. Pauling.” Heavy, the half-orc barbarian, folded his hands and looked thoughtfully to her.  
“What do we know about this orb?”

She shuffled some papers behind her GM screen. “Uh, roll me an arcana check.” 

“Arcana is for what skill?”

“Intelligence.” Demo, the half-dragon paladin, replied. In one hand he held his 20 sided die, and in the other was his half drunk bottle of scrumpy. “Here, I’ll roll too.” He dropped his die to the table. “Well, I apparently dun believe in magic. That’s a 3 fer me.”

“Okay, what did you roll Heavy?” 

“I rolled 17. That is good, right?”

Demo leaned over, checking Heavy’s character sheet. “Be sure to add your modifier.” He whispered.

Heavy nodded. “Yes, of course, I rolled 18 then Ms. Pauling.”

_‘As Malac looks up at the orb, he gets the sense that he’s seen this type of magic somewhere before. Perhaps back at the mines. An overwhelming sense of-’_

“Wait! The mine’s is where we killed all those people” Scout once again interrupted. “And picked up Soldier.”

“Yes!” Soldier, the human fighter (who joined mid-session when Medic killed his in game character to go to the store and get beer), piped up with cheerful ignorance. 

“Yes, that is where we met Jane Doe.” Miss Pauling sighed. Why did she let Soldier name his character that? “Now if I can continue, please?”

_‘An overwhelming sense of dread comes over you. As you all watch the orb, it floats over to the basement doorway. Illuminating a keyhole on the doorknob.’_

“Oh, Snipes, ya still got the key we picked off the Doc’s corpse?” Engie snapped to attention. 

“Mmmph mmph.” 

“No, burning down the door ain’t gonna help us here, Firebug.”

Sniper looked down at his sheet. “Yeh. It’s right ‘ere. ‘Key with no master’.” He pointed to one specific line on his inventory list. 

“Well, try the door laddie.” Demo piped up before taking a swig of alcohol.

“Okay. I take the key, and I try to turn the lock with it.” Sniper emphasized his words with his hands. 

Miss Pauling rubbed her hands together. 

_‘Ololar inserts the key and turns. The door swings out before him, revealing a dim stairwell.’_

“Mmmph mmmmph!”

“No! We ain’t gonna use fire on this, Pyro!”

“Mmmph mph?” 

“Because we are in a wooden structure and we’d all burn to death!” Engie explained, aggravated. 

Pyro pointed to their character sheet “Mmmmph mmmph mmph.”

“Yes, I see the part that says you’re resistant to fire.” Engie pointed to his own sheet “But I am showing you the part that says my character is not! No fire, period.”

“Ladies please!” Scout snapped “Okay, so there’s stairs to the basement. The place we heard that’s cursed? And we’re just gonna go down there?”

“Pretty much laddie. I reckon we go down there if we wan the story to continue.”

“Pretty much, yeah.” Miss Pauling confirmed.

“Okay, just making sure.”

She turned her attention back to Sniper “You want to lead the party down the stairs, Sniper?”

After a quick glance at his sheet, he shook his head. “Not with my defense at 13, I don’t.” 

Soldier got up like he was about to speak. 

“Heavy will go first.” Heavy spoke before the other mercenary had the chance to.

“Okay Malac first, then-” 

Demo raised his hand. “Iorhazar”

Scout practically tripped on the table to get his hand up. “Riword”

Pyro held up their hand, and reaching over, high-fived Scout’s. “Morxes”

Engie gently pulled Pyro back to their seat. “Gramrak”

She pointed to Sniper, “You wanna go next or…” She got a nod in response. Making a few notes, she continued “Okay that means Jane will be bringing up the rear. Got that, Soldier?”

“Yes. I am going in the rear.”

“That means last, Soldier.”

“Yes. I am going in the last.”

“Moving on.” She held her gaze on the group. 

_‘As you walk down the stairs, you get the sense that you are being watched. It’s as if the house is alive and is tracking your steps. The creaks in the stairs are enough to put you on edge. You walk slowly. Slowly you reach the bottom of the stairs. There’s a door right at the bottom, it is old, and wet. It smells of mold and decay. The moldy door is slightly ajar. You can hear the faint murmur of high-pitched voices inside._ Soldier, I mean, _Jane recognizes their speech as the Goblin tongue.’_

“Goblins? So what’re they sayin’ Soldier?” Demo asked encouragingly. 

“Uh, what are the Goblins saying Miss Pauling?” Soldier whispered.

“Only an ounce more blood and the ritual is complete.” She said in her best Goblin voice “No give it here, Leechnose, you’re doing it wrong. No! No!” she giggled imitating two Goblins fighting over something in a tug-of-war.

Soldier looked at her blankly. 

She coughed, composing herself. “That’s what they’re saying Soldier, you might want to let your party know what you heard.”

He turned to the rest of the mercenaries “What she said.”

“So they’re doing some sorta ritual?” Engie rubbed his hand over his chin. “Wonder what for?”

“Perhaps it is same as curse that killed doktor?” Heavy suggested. 

“What, the desire for more beer?” Scout asked.

“In game, Scout.” Engie put his forehead in his hand. “But that is a good point, Heav. What if the curse that killed Doc and the Goblin ritual are connected?”

“Then I would advise we continue cautiously, we don’t know what-” Sniper began.

“Miss Pauling, I kick down the door!” Soldier interrupted. 

“That is exactly what we shouldn’t be doin in this situation, man!” Scout shouted.

_‘Jane pushes his way through the group and busts down the door. Inside he sees...’_

She paused to roll some dice. 

_‘Four Goblins. Two are standing closer to the door and the other two are back against the edge of the room. “Who in the nine hells is yous?” the larger of the two back Goblins screeches.’_

Silence.

“He was talking to you, Soldier.” Miss Pauling whispered. 

“I am Soldier.”

“Your character, their talking to your character, Soldier.” Demo explained, taking another sip of scrumpy. 

“Oh.” Soldier replied sheepish. “I am Jane.”

_‘“And what exactlys do you think yous is doing here?”’_

“We are in this house because we are here to stop a curse that killed our friend.”

_‘“We, huh?” the Goblin rubs his grubby little hands together. “So there’s more of you?”’_

“Yes. I’m here with my friends.”

“Soldier don’t tell ‘em we’re here!” Scout said in a practically pleading tone. 

_‘“Sniffles, Coughy, Flem!” He says as he picks up a wooden club. “Let’s get ‘em”’_

“Everyone roll me initiative!” Miss Pauling clapped her hands together. She took a few moments to write down everyone’s rolls and roll for her Goblins behind the screen. “Scout, you’re first. What does Riword do?”

Scout stared blankly at his character sheet. “Uh, how ‘bout I take out my sword thingy and stab one of the Goblins with it?”

“Roll to hit.”

He plopped his die to the table. “God freakin dammit!”

“Yep, that there’s a crit fail.” Engie observed. 

_‘Riword takes a step forward but a bug flies into his mouth. He chokes and collapses to the wet, decaying, floor.’_

“Can I get up?” Scout asked. 

“Is it your turn?” Miss Pauling inquired.

“I don’t know, is it my turn still?”

“No.” She responded. “Heavy, Malac’s up next. What do you do?”

“Is Scout still choking?” Heavy asked calmly.

Miss Pauling rolled a die behind her screen. “Yes.”

“What? Really?!” Scout interjected. 

“Ok. Heavy would like to help teammate stop choking. What does Heavy roll?”

“Uh, medicine I guess.”

He rolled his die. “That is 7.”

“Please tell me that’s without your modifier man, I’m dying here!”

“Oh, right.” He glanced to his sheet. “That is 6.”

“What! How is your modifier making it lower?” Scout questioned.

“Heavy is barbarian. Heavy does not need wisdom.” 

_‘Malac presses his hands on Riward’s stomach. He doesn’t appear to know what he’s doing. He presses once, and the bug flies out. He presses again, and the half-elf is gasping for air. He presses a third time, Riword has now passed out.’_

“Dude, stop trying to help me!”

_‘Malac stops after the third attempt.’_

“That’s Heavy’s turn. Now it’s time for Leechnose’s turn, and he is targeting…” she rolled behind the screen. “Jane.”

“Yes Miss Pauling?” Soldier asked.

“Does a 15 hit your character?”

Soldier looked at his sheet confused. Demo peered over his shoulder and shook his head. 

“Okay, Leechnose comes at your character and swings. He misses his first attack, and…” she rolled again. “Misses again, that was a 14. And now we’re on to Ololar. What does your character do, Sniper?”

“Same thing as last fight.” Sniper rolled a die. “I’m marking the furthest Goblin from me and shooting it with me shortbow. I rolled an 18, I assume that hits, yeah?”

She flipped some papers. “Yep. That hit. What was the damage?” 

He rolled another die “8 plus...” he rolled again. “...5, 13 total.”

“Okay, that was Coughy you hit and he isn’t dead, but is close.”

Sniper gave a thumbs up in response.

“Now it’s Morxes’ turn, Pyro.”

“Mmmph mmph!”

“Okay, Morxes’ casts firebolt. Roll to hit.”

Pryo rolled their die. 

“No freakin way, dude!” Scout exclaimed. “That’s your fourth 20 in a row!”

Pyro pointed to their sheet. 

“Twinned spell, that’s fine Pyro. Roll on the magic table if you would too.”

Pyro rolled another die, then pointed to a spot in the rule book.

Engie started to laugh. “That’s another three targets getting the 4d10 lightning damage.” 

“Un-freakin-believable.” Scout pressed his hands to his face.

Miss Pauling stared down at her notes. “Yeah, with a crit and the lightning, those Goblins are dead. Good job, uh, guys.” She rolled a die. “35 exp each.”

“How do you get so lucky at this stupid game?” Scout muttered to Pyro bitterly. He wrote his experience down. 

Pyro shrugged, rather smug.

_‘As the final Goblin drops dead, from a combination of fire and lightning, the orb manifests above you guys again. It floats down to the end of the room. As it passes, it stops briefly above a pedestal before moving on. It is floating above-’_

“Pedestal? What’s on the pedestal?” Scout asked.

“Everyone roll perception.” A few dice rolls later, she continued 

_‘On the pedestal lies an amulet. It is very old and rusted. It is covered in blood, from the Goblin ritual. And Iorhazar,’_ she nodded to the Demo who rolled highest _‘You have the feeling that this amulet is bad news.’_

Demo nodded in response. “The amulet’s not important, laddies.” he said in character, “Let’s just move on to the-”

“Miss Pauling! I pick up the amulet!” Soldier interrupted.

**Author's Note:**

> Also, in case anyone was wondering-  
Scout's character: Riword, the half-elf bard  
Engie's character: Gramrak, the dwarf cleric (probably of the forge or something)  
Pyro's character: Morxes, the half-devil (think Tiefling) wild magic sorcerer  
Sniper's character: Ololar, the wood elf ranger  
Heavy's character: Malac, the half-orc barbarian  
Demo's character: Iorhazar, the half-dragon (think Dragonborn) paladin  
Soldier's character: Jane Doe, the human fighter


End file.
